I knew about the “cancer” for quite a while before I told anyone. For those who know me, it may not surprise you to know that I am a bit of a control freak. I needed to come to terms with it. Get a plan. Get control. Have a solution. Fuck. I wanted to have a budget. That’s how I work. I didn’t want to put the heaviness of this on other people.
When the severity of the diagnosis revealed itself a few weeks later I knew we needed to share it. I couldn’t excel spreadsheet my way out of this one.
Telling my mom and Ryersyn were the two most difficult conversations of my life. And I’m an HR pro with 15 years of unfortunate conversations on my resume!
My mom has faced burdens no one should ever have to. And the thought I would ever add to or compound that was he most crippling feeling of my life. And my dear dear sweet girl. The sweetest soul I’ve ever known. How could I tell Ryersyn I was so sick. How could I answer her sobs asking me if I would survive when no one has the answer.
But we did. The discussions are over. My heart is immeasurably lighter. My soul has been swelled up and lifted by the loved ones around me.
A few days after having the original cancer diagnosed I made Ry her breakfast and she asked who she running Terry Fox for. Who she knows with cancer so she could dedicate her run to. She decided that it would be Papa, not quite understanding the differences between heart and stroke and cancer but I let that one slide.
I so look forward to returning to a difficult conversation being about BO or nose picking while on the job.