Why me????

There were many calls along this journey. Only a couple of them have had positive messages. They’ve mostly been bad. Or bad to worse.

One of the bad news calls came during a pretty tough week, one that just kept getting worse.

My sweet Gallagher had severe croup and ended up being hospitalized. I hadn’t slept in 2 days. I was supposed to hear back from the doctor a couple days before. He called at 8am sharp I answered with my sweet boy sleeping in my arms at the hospital hooked up to so many wires.

Can you meet with me on Thursday to go over the results. Me- can you just tell me now please. Dr-No I’d rather talk to you in person. Can you bring someone with you? Subtle. Lol. Me-No. Just tell me.

I sat there alone in the hospital with the weight of the world crashing in. It took me a couple days to share the call. Just kept pretending I hadn’t got it.

We got Gman home and getting healthy and that was the week the girls both ended up being hospitalized for croup and pneumonia as well.

But by Saturday morning after basically a week with no sleep three sick kids 3 hospital treatments, an ambulance ride and a horrible medical update I just had to laugh. Maybe like a crazy person. But I did a wtf–How was this my week, shook my head and I laughed. And damnit I felt better. What else could you do. Play the hand your dealt and make the most of it. How I am able to stems from this miraculous support network that helps when the chips are down. I have mom(s) taking kids to Apts. I have a boss pushing me out of the office to tend to a sick kid(s) during the biggest department project ever undertaken (not having to worry about losing my job!) I have people buying me back into the game when Kenny R would have told me I should have walked away, or maybe even run!!!! The mental framework and support is how I can be strong in face of weeks like that.

But. Sometimes I find myself getting into a mindset of why me? Why me. Why is this happening to me. It’s a sad lonely place.

But I try my very best to step outside that and say (with a change in inflection here folks) Why me???? How did I end up with three of the most beautiful children in the world. Why have I had such an easy time my entire life? I mean I “work hard”, set goals, blah blah, but in actuality things come so seemingly easy compared to challenges other face. I have had no shortage of opportunities or good breaks present themselves that others never seem to get. Some people get shit on every day of their lives and end up with news like this. I’ve had 36 years of (cue the holiday hit classic) 🎼 “It’s a marshmallow world in the winter, / When the snow comes to cover the ground, / It’s the time for play, it’s a whipped cream day, / I wait for it all year round”.

So while I can. While I have the strength and grit I’ll keep asking –why me? (Upwards inflection!) And laugh and the BS that gets thrown along the way.

(Sorry not sorry if you now have Bings classic in your heads. Fun fact, like lots of other Christmas songs, there is no mention of Christmas! Remind me why society makes us shut that shit down January – October?)

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Constance Schram says:

    I will always listen to Christmas music with you anytime of the year! Jesse will attest this one of the traits that define our Jolene. Christmas in July, September, anytime of the year. xo

    Like

  2. Anonymous says:

    Sending all of our love, courage and strength.

    Like

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