Vanity

I’ve always been a relatively confident person.  I was precocious as a child.  But like every woman, I’m full of insecurities. The list is long. The effort to mask/overcome is exhausting. There never seems to be a shortage of things to feel bad about.  Despite this -I can tell you as a young woman I did always feel relatively comfortable with a few features–my flat tummy, great rack, and some pretty beautiful hair! 🙂

Well. Let’s just press play button on life, add the dreaded “twin skin” (google will help explain for non-“moms of multiples”) cumulative effects of the equivalent of 6.6 years of exclusively nursing and a heavy dose of chemo and by golly a girls not left with a lot to feel very good about! (To be absolutely clear this is not a cry for messages telling me how beautiful I am!!!!!)

I started 2018 with a focus on me. I was finally able to get the monkey off my back (aka my feral boob obsessed twins) in the fall. Sleep was returning to some type of coherent semblance. I started to use my new found freedom/time exercising, preparing healthier /clean meals, I mostly cut alcohol out (full disclosure I was also living off coffee and Diet Coke, so don’t give me to much credit here.) I was feeling great and like myself again, except when I looked in the mirror!! So after months of soul searching, I set up and paid for a consult with a plastic surgeon. I thought about the cost and time of fixing myself up with a “mommy makeover” and feeling better about what I was left with. I had a ton of anxiety. Recovery time, abandoning my family activities to allow myself to repair, using vacation time for something so selfish, and on and on. I spent so much time agonizing over the pros and cons and it seemed like SUCH an important decision.

Ah…..how quickly some things change. What I will give to rock my sweet wrecked mom bod at the pool this summer. You know. Not actually IN the pool (bc it’s not heated to 93 degrees for some reason) but in the general vicinity. Pina Colada in hand.

When I woke up from surgery last week I had my ovaries sewn into my rib cage, instead of silicon on my chest.  I laid there thinking about how different life seemed months ago.  How those decisions seemed so important. How irrelevant it all is now.  How in the blink of an eye it disappeared.

This post is in no way anti-cosmetic surgery! You go girl. I’m just super happy I had to wait a year after weaning the twins for my body to adjust before surgery bc I would be pretty pissed if I spent all that money right now! I guess the moral of the story is before you drop a year of juniors college fund on plastic surgery make sure you’re healthy first!! Perhaps less of a moral and more just some anti-nausea /chemo fuzzed brain ramblings on the shifting of perspectives as your reality changes.

****But this post is a lovely spot to give our appreciation and credit to Anita at Creative Inspirations http://creativeinspiration.ca/ because this woman always makes me feel beautiful!!!  We’ve had the pleasure of knowing Anita for a number of years and she has captured some of my most cherished pictures. When she learned about the diagnosis she insisted she do a shoot for us. Made time on a weekend to accommodate the treatment schedule and took some stunning pictures while I had hair- and even showed up at an appointment with a photo album full of pics. Simply amazing. Thank you. We’re forever grateful.–❤️❤️❤️

A couple of great shots from our fall sessions below.

4 Comments Add yours

  1. Anonymous says:

    There are no adequate words…please know that our love, fervent prayers and all healing energy are sent to you- Anita Hillis-Krause and Peter Krause

    Like

  2. Constance Schram says:

    Another great photo session by Anita. So beautiful of you all.❤️ Love Mom

    Like

  3. Chris Jones Harris says:

    The pictures are simply stunning…. you have created a gorgeous family

    Like

  4. Susan deWaard says:

    Beautiful pictures and beautiful words

    Like

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