And for my next trick

(TMI — this post could have been titled the Vagina Monologues…. reader beware)

This whole week has been a bit bizzaro.

Internal radiation was a tad more intense than I intended. I think I generally have a pretty high pain tolerance. I base this on my three natural births, 2 above average size babies and my tiny Campbell at 6.7 came with added bonus of a grown mans arm all the way inside holding her heads down so she didn’t flip after Gallagher was born, followed by two third degree tears. So, I think I’ve got a handle on intense pain. And let me tell you waking up from being “packed” for the Brachytherapy was right up there. My ideas of laying around watching Netflix was replaced with having narcotics pumped and being in and out of drug induced sleep and excruciating pain, and not being able to move from my back, which is painful for me on a good day given history of chronic back pain caused by a bulging disk.

So- the actual treatment was 2 x 5 minute blasts, and was the least painful part.

The unpacking though. Let’s just say it started with the nurse saying, so this will just feel like me removing a dry tampon, so I prepared, what she didn’t say was it would be five minutes of it! All I could imagine was a clown/magician doing the old handkerchief trick, she kept pulling and pulling and pulling gauze, then the the metal rods, then something else large. I honestly was waiting for her to say “and for my next trick” and possible pulling out a white bunny 🐰 or something – what else could they possible have in me?!? the last and biggest thing to come out required me to push like I was delivering a baby…. anyway that horrific ordeal was done and nurse number two has a dildo like object in her hand and starts saying that my parting gift is this bag of dilators that I’ll get a bill of $58 dollars for in a few weeks and I’ll start using them in a month once a day for the rest of my life. I’m barely able to hear through the residual pain at this point and ask her if she could go back to beginning because I have no idea what she’s talking about. She does. The radiation will cause damage and stenosis and I need to use these for the rest of my life….. another fun surprise.

My poor room mate during the 3 days seemed to be suffering from either mental health or symptoms of his disease but it was uncomfortable to say the least. He was hard on nurses, accusing people of stealing meds, yelling, 😣 unfortunate all around.

But. I survived. It’s over. And chemo was cleared for this week so I’m 2/3 days through that. The few days following treatment are the toughest so I’m bracing for that now but know I’m that much closer to being through this hell.

A friend from the UK sent me a message last week quoting Churchill “…when you you’re going through hell, keep going….” and that’s what I’m doing. Day by day.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Anonymous says:

    Thanks for your eloquent update. Including us in your journey is brave and so much appreciated. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers . Love you all. Xoxo


  2. Dana says:

    I wish it had been a bunny!!!
    I remember being told that each contraction was one step closer to the happy ending. Let the same be true for your treatments—one more behind you, and a giant leap closer to your happy ending/victory over this cancer.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s